Category: purposeful parenting

How to manage emotions in a healthy way.

Key Point of video and some additional insight

One the of the greatest life skills

One the of the greatest life skill we and our kids can learn in this life is how to deal with our emotions.  Dealing with our feelings in a healthy way is key to achieving a sense of wellbeing and vital in creating healthy relationship with others and ourselves.

How to manage emotions in a healthy way

The Sun

In the video above I illustrated a sun and it represents all our good and happy feelings. Feelings that communicate that we are happy, lovable, competent and important. Basically any feeling that is warm and yummy to us and that help us feel our real worth. It is always available to us.

The Cloud

A build of up negative feelings creates a cloud between us and good feelings we could have.  It essentially ‘blocks’ out the sun. Many times we even believe that the ‘sun’ (or good feelings) don’t exist because of the cloud that is not letting  happy feelings in.

The Inner Battle

It doesn’t matter what is going on around us, what is going on inside us speaks our reality.  (See this post about how I discovered inner peace was my biggest priority of the day) What we think and feel IS our world. If we feel choatic inside, we will see chaos everywhere around us. If we feel unloved, everything around us will only justify that emotion. Take care of what is going on inside first, let the sun in and you will be able to see things clearer! Then you will be are ready to better take on the world around you.

How to deal with the yuck inside. Releasing the rain, letting the clouds part, go.

Learn ways to help you channel out the yucky feelings. I have found journaling what I’m feeling and resolving to feel peace again in writing helps does wonders! Going for a run to clear out my head is a great way too. Speaking an argument outloud in another room just to get it out of me (instead of on a person) has the same effect without hurting me or another person. If there is a lot of tension, CRYING helps me release much of that build up. Whatever you do, your job is to:

1.validate your own feelings: I feel this way and it is ok to feel anything. Feelings, though strong, potent, vivid and real are NOT facts. Negative feelings can lie and distort reality.

2.Release the emotion, get the yuckies out. (cry, run, punch pillow, scream in closet, journal it out.) Take POSITIVE action with negative Feelings.  Your negative feelings will strongly tell you otherwise but you are can be incharge of what you do.

3.Then let it go by not blaming anyone: not yourself, situations or others. FORGIVENESS of others AND YOURSELF is the most freeing thing you can possibly do. It heals and helps you move forward.

4. You will feel more calm and ready to better conquer the outer battles

Remember, own your feelings but don’t let them own you.

own your feelings, but don't let them own you

Many Great methods: Recovery International

My fabulous friend Erin (in the video) teaches the Recovery International (RI) method to mothers and helps us learn how to turn around our negative and insecure thoughts around whenever we feel ourselves getting worked up (raise your hand if you get worked up over stuff!!!).  It has worked wonders in her own life! I have personally have learn SO much from her and Dr. Lows (RI creater) methods and readings. I highly recommend it to anyone. For more info, go to her fb group, here is the official RI website explaining more and here are some ‘spots’ (truths that help turn our thoughts around).

The Rain can help you Grow

Anytime we release that negative emotion in a positive way and turn our feelings around, we GROW!  We receive greater strength and wisdom to deal with negative emotions for the next time we encounter them. Our self control rewards us with self-respect and confidence. Our relationship flourish. We enjoy greater happiness! We can feel the sun again!  we need the rain

Are you feeling inspired to make a change in your life? Here are my 7 tips for success!  I’m all about learning how to be a happier healthier mama! It helps me and everyone around me. Enjoy happiness my friend!.

Feeling good enough.

feelingenough

In a world where Facebook and Pintrest reign, a place where we have constant access to only everyone’s best pictures, successes and where only the icing on the cake is talked about and displayed but the burnt bits are hardly ever mentioned, it is so easy to feel like we never measure up as mothers, as wife and friends.
Um yes. Not the first place you’ve heard this, right? Social media has made us feel more inferior than EVER.  But let me tell you something. I’m pretty sure I felt pretty inferior to most peeps in High School and guess what? I never once logged into facebook or pintrest because it didn’t exist (young’ns, yes I’m that ancient).
Mothers and wives still managed to feel bad about themselves one way or another during that dark and dismal pre-social media era too.  HOW?  Well, it was not without it’s glossy depictions of beautiful lives in parenting magazines, television sitcoms and, well, the hardest competition, that pesky but ever-so-perfect neighbor next door.
So here is the thing, it doesn’t matter what way the world tries to fool us into things we are inferior, it will always be a different thing, but the problem will always be consistent. And you know what the problem is?? It’s you and I! Oh no, not another thing to feel bad about, right?? Can we seriously never be good enough???

Ok, enough with the cynicism. I want to get to good news of this all! The freeing and awesome and sweet truth of it all is that you are ALREADY good enough. No. You are beyond good, you are more spectacular and phenomenally awesome than you could possibly conceive. Whaaaa?? Yes. Mark this as truth.

You may not see it,  know it, or  feel it but I can tell you for certain that there is someone that does see it, knows it and does feel it. Your worth, your potential and your utter phenomenal awesomeness. Every moment, of every day.  If you haven’t guess by now, it is the Being who created your very existence. Your Heavenly Father. Whatever you may wish to refer Him as I can only say this…He is real and has real love for you!
This magnificent love He has for you He has been trying to communicate with you from day 1. He wants so badly for you to feel the love He has for you so you can get even the tiniest glimpse of what He sees in you and how He feels about you. He knows that once you open up your heart to drink in those feelings He’s trying to fill you up with you will get an enormous sense of worth. Enough that you will not have to turn to anything else to get a feeling of worth.  Enough that you don’t have to live a life of doing things just to ‘feel good enough’ but recognizing that you are already more than enough and your actions are merely acts to magnify that love you feel.  This love is not just in your mind as a logical but removed statement but a real feeling of satisfaction and true feeling of being totally enough and more. 

But how can we feel this if as we disheartantly look and see what ever other females are doing only to try to gauge where we stand in comparison? Do you realize that doing so we allow ourselves to believe one of two insecure things: we feel worse about ourselves because they are obviously doing ‘so much better’. Or just as unstable we actually feel better about ourselves because what we’ve done/or doing is obviously so much superior. Both equally rickety ways to judge the way we feel about ourselves, don’t you think? Even if we feel better because someone is seemingly worse of than us, that feeling is immediately robbed from us anytime we witness any successes from that person! Ugh. This prevents us from fully letting ourselves feel good about ourselves or anyone else!

So as we frantically scramble looking here and there, cleaning here and there, shopping here and there, working here and there, posting this and that, wearing this and that to find some kind of worth and value for ourselves we blindly forget that it’s been there the whole time. That the real source to discover our already infinite worth was just waiting for us to slow down, listen and turn to Him.

He is the ultimate source of all love, real undying true love. For yourself, for others, for LIFE! So take TIME to seek it, to feel it, to understand it, be changed by it.  It is why you are here.

His LOVE, the Spirit of God, is so powerful that it has the ability to transforms us, help us become and be and do more than we ever thought possible. He is waiting quietly and patiently for us to turn our to Him. But how is that done??
It is has everything to do with the condition of our HEARTS. Not with the condition of our house, condition of how well we manage our to-do list, condition of how ‘good’ we or our family looks. How often do we let those things define us and how we feel about ourselves?? Those things are good but are constantly changing, fluctuating, throwing our self-esteem in a flurry of hopelessness. We need a constant and it is God.  It is a continual re-aligning ourselves, our focus, our desires to something greater. Taking time to invite the Spirit of God in every aspect of our lives. If we are feeling overwhelmed, frazzled, hopeless, confused, scared, stressed and depressed taking time to reconnect. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear” (1 John 4:18).  Pray for His Spirit.  Anytime we take time to sincerely LOVE, ourselves, our God and those around us, we are inviting HIS LOVE. We are reconnecting to Him and our purpose and it gives us the motivation to continue with love and happiness!

So next time we view a screen and our eyes start turning green, remember, we have a choice. Let those feelings consume us and define us OR we can reconnect with our true worth, the Father of our spirit.  The more you do it, the more natural it will become. Those beautiful images on screens need not be threats to our self-esteem but inspiration of the great human potential. One of which we are of course welcome to participate in if so inspired!

Remember: God loves you. You are worth it. You are MORE than enough.  You’ve always been. But you don’t have to take my word for it, you can find for yourself! It is the only way you’ll really know.

“Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;” (D&C 18:10–12.)

“Responding to true love is part of our very being. We innately desire to reconnect here with the love we felt there. Only as we feel God’s love and fill our hearts with His love can we be truly happy.

God’s love fills the immensity of space; therefore, there is no shortage of love in the universe, only in our willingness to do what is needed to feel it. To do this, Jesus explained we must “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, … soul, … strength, and … mind; and thy neighbour as thyself” (Luke 10:27).

~JOHN H. GROBERG, quote from The Power of God’s Love

I love how sister Hinckely knew exactly what is going on with us ladies:

“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.”

And of course, who doesn’t love this quote by Marianne Williamson??

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” —Marianne Williamson

For more information about my beliefs, please visit: mormon.org

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How to prioritize your day to create the most JOY for you and your family

prioritize

I don’t know about you but everyday I wake up there is this giant mountain of to do’s waiting for me and threaten family chaos and destruction if I don’t get it done. Ok. Maybe you don’t get that weird visual when you wake but, hear me out on this. Most of us have a crazy list (even if not listed) of laundry, dishes, cleaning, meals prepping, working, exercising, project finishing, emailing, errand running…oh, yeah, all while watching, feeding and taking care of the kiddos, of course.

This is what a typical story of my life would run like: I would mentally go over my to dos and many times I would wonder how I would ever tackle those things to completion. Then I would start to realize that there is no way that I would get everything that I wanted done and I have to figure out what really is most important.  It would be a battle between, “lets see, is it more important right now to have clean dishes or clean underwear?? AH! I guess I need both but I can’t decide what I should do first…except for now the baby is crying and the toddler’s found the sharpie and is about to write on the cupboards!! EEEek.  Then I usually would try to stop the immediate chaos only to find that chaos led to more and more chaos and eventually to a mother in a heap of unlaundered clothes, dirty dishes, helplessly defeated.  The kids that I poured all my energies to care for suddenly become the roadblock to what I wanted accomplished for my day.  AGH.  Then those thought would come…’If only I didn’t have kids, right? Only then would I get all these chores done and free myself from all this crazy stress!  BUT WAIT. If I didn’t have kids, I wouldn’t need to be doing loads and loads of laundry and dishes and repeatedly clean up the floor as much as I do. I wouldn’t even BE here at home, I’d probably have a full time job. I would be sitting at my job wishing, just wishing I could just stay home and have kids. Kids to love and raise and take care of. DUH. Kids are not the element to get rid of! They are why I do the things I do in the first place. What I do is all is for them in the end!

But. I’m learning. I’m learning that there are tricks in prioritizing my day. Not just to get those things done in my day that I’d like but to actually create a GREAT day for myself and rub all that positive influence to my family too!! YES! It is possible!!! It is an exciting discovery for me that I want to share!

My great epiphany was finally figuring out what the number one priority for me and my home was.  It wasn’t a certain task, chore, or thing that needed to be done.  It is it far beyond all that. It began with me and deep within me. I realized this:

The most important thing for me is to choose those things in my day that would bring me the most inner peace, calm, tranquillity within myself to be able to really listen. Really Listen to my heart and spirit inside me. And really listen to those around me.  When I’m listening is when I will best know what is most important at any given moment.

Alright, before you stop reading because you don’t want to get all crazy deep and spiritual, just let this sink in and give it a moment. I’m realizing the more I accept this and practice it, the more I understand it and easier it becoming and the more JOY I feel each day. It has opened the flood gates of happiness, motivation and love in my life. It has given me powerful perspective and motivation to do all those things I want most for me and my family. It really is SO simple but so empowering!

The more I stay in the calm and listen I have found the following things to be true for me:

Really listening favors people over tasks but motivates the completion of the most important tasks of your day.  Pausing the floor sweep to squat and applaud my baby’s because he is now standing on his own and be there to catch him, and hold him and nuzzle him and laugh and giggle with him only keeps that mother fire burning within me. That gentle pause of routine doesn’t set me back, it propels me forward to continue what I’m doing with purpose and direction, for them and with them.

Listening is calm and calm is power.  I’m learning that once I’ve lost my cool, I’m letting myself lose the battle. Tasks don’t get easier if I’m frustrated, only more difficult. A tantrum doesn’t get any easier to resolve if am having a fit too. In fact the whole thing only inevitably turns into a big ole childish battle (can you say power struggle?) and nothing gets resolved–with the only difference being that I’m fighting like ‘an adult’ for my respect and dignity, of course.  My kid learns nothing about dealing with emotions and I remain frustrated and end up feeling helpless.
It is not to say that I’m not allowed to get frustrated. Of course I will run into upsetting situations, duh, I’m raising babies!  But now I’m learning that when I’m stirring with negative emotion the best thing to do is gather my ‘power’ again. Step aside. Breathe. Close my eyes. Pray. Once I am calm again, I can approach the situation again without all the emotion. I gain perspective to deal with those heaven sent angels. I start to listening again and end up saying things that motivate them quicker and more pleasantly than raising my voice and threatening.
It is crazy. It’s powerful.

Tame the beast by keeping her well fed.  Sometimes I feels like it is basically impossible to stay calm, you know, when the nasty, negative  selfish, demanding person wants to take over. “The beast” as I like to call her. What I’ve noticed is she likes to show up quite often when I’m tired and hungry. So I’m learning if I keep my basic needs in check, like eating well and getting enough rest then ‘the other girl’ doesn’t feel deprived and doesn’t feel the need to take over as much.

I’ve come to know that what my inner ‘beast’ demands is not what she typically needs though. She demands cookies, cupcakes and chips but needs whole grains, fruits and greens.  She demands being lazy, staying up, sleeping in, but she needs exercise and a regular sleep schedule. I’m learning she even demands getting everything done NOW and going 100 miles an hour to achieve it, but what she really needs is to pace herself and take breaks. Sometimes the most important and productive thing to do is to just take a break/ nap to keep the beast under control!

In the end, the beast and I are one and the same.  Both are me and who I am. Taking care of the ‘beast’ is just taking care of me and is ultimately a show of self-respect. With self respect comes self discipline and vice versa. And once I have gained true respect for myself is when I am able to give the best respect towards my kids, towards my husband towards everyone around me. Thereby, I give respect to everyone else by taking care of me.  The basics: eating healthy, getting enough sleep and breaks, exercise…MAKE time for it! It seriously is that simple.

Do something to center, focus and gain your calm and listening power.  I find mornings are a great to time to set the tone for the day.  First thing I do when I roll out of bed is pray for that calm and listening power.  I read scriptures to get me in that mindset. Journaling, meditating, pondering, breathing, hot shower are all great ways to get you in the mind set.

Having a basic routine that makes sure the vitals get accomplished is helpful as long as it helps you stay in the calm and doesn’t just overwhelm you
Dinner, dishes, and laundry are my three main ‘home gears’ that keep the household ‘running’ around here. If those are accomplished then at least we have  something to eat, something to eat on, and something to wear. I have a  dinner plan, follow a simple laundry system and try to clean up after each meal to help out with that.   There are times that even those simple things can be daunting though, you know, during pregnancy, post partum, those times of the month, baby up all night, bad days, too much going on…I’m finding those days it is more important to just ‘keep the beast fed’ by staying rested and taking it easy so I can stay in the calm and deal with, most importantly, my kids (and hubby) with patience. Then I also find it easier to cope with a house and life in disarray. I can just calmly remind myself that this too shall pass. It is more important to have a happy mom and kids than a clean house or anything else!

The goal and joy of the day suddenly is not getting something done but embracing the day and the people in it.
So..if i were to reconsider how my ‘typical day’ with dishes and laundry piling and kids going crazy I would now know that frantic chaos only leads to more. That things will only seem as out of control as how I feel about it.  If let myself feel ok about things and myself, stay calm, breath and listen then I will best know how to treat and handle those little ones I’m in charge of and step by step get those things done to have things in working order again.

Of course, I’m still very human and still tend to escape the ‘listening zone’ if you will, in favor of frustration, frantic hurry, or distractions. I’m learning the more I practice stillness and calm listening, the more I can do it and the greater joy and satisfaction I feel from it!   I can feel confident and good that I’m doing the most important things in my day and just allow all other trivial thing just fall away. I’m seeing I can do MORE and BE more by doing this than any other thing.

What have you found helps you prioritize your day?  What ways have you found that help you really listen to your heart?.